Emotional Abuse -
The Unfortunate Reality

Identifying emotional abuse is difficult because, unlike physical abuse, it leaves no visible marks or scars. Similarly, in verbal abuse, you can identify the abusive language. Yet, emotion-oriented abuse, though not as obvious, is a serious situation, and can result in significant psychological damage.

Emotional abuse is the most subtle form of domestic abuse and violence. However, it is nonetheless a serious disorder, and can have far reaching ramifications on your health and personality.

Do you find yourself questioning your own self-worth? Do you feel the need to continually validate your thoughts and deeds? If so, you are probably struggling with an emotionally abusive relationship, especially if you are also subject to name-calling, yelling and threats.

Emotional abuse is often delt with with drugs and alcohol and if you have a drug or alcohol abuse problem, be sure to get some addiction treatment so the problem doesn't get worse.

Emotional abuse is an environment wherein the abuser tries to exercise control over you. The abuser first gets to know your abilities, capacities, self-esteem and values. Then after that the abuser will attempt to erode your strengths and capitalize on your weaknesses. This is followed by attempts to mold you into a subservient person that will remain under the control of the abuser. The abuser himself is often a person of low self-esteem and wants you, too, to be no better.

The person perpetrating the abuse will coax you to believe you are always wrong and are of no value in the relationship. You will be branded as intrusive, even if you ask something as simple as how your partner's day was. Similarly, you will be accused of being "suspicious" if you ask why you have not heard from him/her.

The abuser will consider you at fault for his/her having an affair. They will try to make you believe that you are fat or ugly, no one likes you, and that you would be a non-entity or crippled in life without your partner, or that you will lose all your children and your home. The abusive partner strives to make you believe that you are a misfit if you want to try anything new.

Emotional abuse is a vicious cycle, and once you get into an abusive relationship it only escalates. In a typical cycle of abuse, it starts and then the abuser at some point of time apologizes for it. A "honeymoon" ensues during which all is well. However, one day the abuse restarts and quickly escalates to damaging proportions.

No one needs to lead a life full of fear, humiliation, hopelessness and helplessness. When you are a victim of abuse, one option is to find a place where you can get respect. Another is to address the situation. You can address the situation by reading good books and literature about emotional abuse like Escaping the Shadows by Lisa J. Peck and taking appropriate steps to assert yourself and regain your self-esteem.

If you find difficulties in addressing abuse yourself, you can seek professional help. However in emotional abuse, counseling benefits the abuser only when he/she accepts it willingly and realizes that counseling is for their own benefit. Fear of losing a partner can sometimes motivate the abuser to volunteer for counseling.